Comparison: How to Cut It Out
Ah, comparison. That lovely instinct that pops up as soon as we see someone "prettier" or "smarter" or "happier" than we are. The instinct that tells us we aren't good enough as we are and that we need to be or achieve what someone else is or has achieved in order to be full and happy. It seems like it's impossible to go a day without comparing yourself to someone else.
Well guess what?
Today, I'm here to share with you what comparison is, why it's toxic, and how to knock it off.
WHAT IS COMPARISON?
Like I said in the intro, comparison is seeing someone else and automatically comparing what you have and who you are to them. If it's "better" than what they have, you feel better about yourself. If it's "worse", you go the whole day, or perhaps your whole life feeling like you aren't good enough. This instinct is natural. We've been taught comparison and have been comparing ourselves to others since we could talk. But it's toxic. It's dangerous. It's incredibly unhealthy. And 10/10 times, it's wrong.
WHY COMPARISON IS TOXIC
The act of comparing yourself to someone else is bad both ways. If you feel like you're better than someone, and you voice that opinion, it could seriously damage how that individual thinks about themselves, depending on what the comparison is. If you compare yourself to someone else, you are affecting your self esteem, your worth, and how other people see you. Some comparisons are more harmful than others, but every single time you do it, it's negatively affecting you or someone else. For example, if you see that the person sitting next to you in your math class got a higher grade than you on that test, it's likely that you won't feel very good about yourself for the next few minutes or days. However, if you are comparing more serious things like your body image or your financial status to someone else, that's significantly more harmful than one bad grade on a test, and can affect your overall view of yourself, usually in a negative way. Nothing good EVER comes from comparing yourself to someone else. It is the thief of everything: your joy, your self esteem, everything. You are so unique and wonderful. There will never be another human being exactly like you on this planet. You are serving a purpose in this world, and it's an important one. You are a child, a mother, a father, a sister, a brother. Something that significantly matters to someone. You hear that? You matter. Someone on this planet loves you more than you can ever imagine. And they love you for YOU.
HOW TO STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
So if comparison is this natural, toxic thing, how do we get rid of it? How do we live for ourselves and stop focusing on other people's lives so much?
I'll tell you how.
1. "Admire someone else's beauty without questioning your own."
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. If you see someone who's beautiful or handsome, it's fine to go, "Oh, they're really pretty" or "Wow he is so handsome." But don't go any further than that. Do not add a "I wish I looked like them" or "I'd be pretty if I had that hair, those eyes, that body, etc." You can notice and compliment someone's beauty. Just don't compare it with your own.
2. "A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms."
When you're at school or out and about running errands or whatever, do not walk into a place and automatically worry about your appearance. Walk in, remember your purpose of being in that place, and achieve that purpose. Go about your life as if no one was watching. Be who you are, and be PROUD of it. Bloom without thinking about the flower next to you. It does not matter. Their goals and purpose are not the same as your own. Just be you, and be happy.
3. "Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle."
Out of all these steps, this one is the most vital. The people you're comparing yourself to are most likely not at the beginning of their journey. They have probably been working for years to get where they are. If you compare your beginning to their middle or end, it gives you a false perception of yourself. You think, " Why am I not there yet? What's wrong with what I'm doing?" The answer? Nothing. You are working at your own pace and there will be people ahead of you. That is fine. That is normal. Focus on your goals, your purpose, and where you are right now. Take it one day at a time. It's perfectly alright to have an idea of where you want to end up, but don't let that distract you from where you are now.
You are all beautiful and wonderful people who are serving a vital position in this world.
So go, and act like it. Be yourself, without comparison, unapologetically.
Have a lovely day,