Healthy (And Unhealthy) Signs in a Relationship

So I know that when you saw the title of this post, you were probably like "Um, she's basically a kid. What does she know about relationships?" Well, more than you might think. I may not know everything about love or whatever, but I know enough to know what's healthy in a relationship and what's not. This post is going to be compiled of experience I've had in my short 19 years of life and the signs of what a healthy (and not healthy) relationship is. So here we go.



Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

If you have witnessed one or more of these signs in your relationship, it is a toxic one.


  1. Constant ridicule or criticism. If your partner is constantly making fun of you or judging you, that can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. This criticism can come off as a playful joke or be followed up with "I'm just kidding", "I wasn't serious", etc., but that doesn't mean it's okay. It can also be direct, in your face ridicule. It's harmful either way.
  2. They dismiss your emotions. Ladies and gents, this is DANGEROUS in a relationship. I've had personal experience with this one, more than once. If you are scared, sad, happy, whatever, and your partner brushes it off like it's not a big deal, Get. Out. Examples: you're excited about something and your partner brings you down or tells you you're too excited. Or, you're scared or sad and they tell you to get over it or even get angry at you. And the biggest red flag of them all: if they try to dismiss or ridicule your mental or physical illness, walk away. Now. I'm dead serious. You don't know how harmful this is until after it happens and you're experiencing insecurity over it years later. Trust me. Get out now if your partner is treating your emotions like they mean nothing. 
  3. You feel as if they're slowing changing you. If you feel that you are a completely different person than you were before the relationship, you might want to dig a little bit deeper into that. Make sure these are changes you want to make and not ones forced upon you. This can be anything from only dressing the way your partner wants you to dress, to not doing your favorite hobbies anymore because they said something about it. 
  4. You don't talk. About anything. If you and your partner have a big decision to make or something important to discuss and they flat out refuse to talk about it, this is unhealthy. Relationships should be open and honest. When there are issues, whether between you guys or something outside the relationship, they need to be discussed then, not tabled and saved for later. This is also up to each partner individually. If there is something you want to discuss, or something your partner said or is doing, discuss it openly and honestly. DO NOT try and make they guess what's wrong. Just talk about it.
  5. You feel threatened or forced in any way. If you feel like your partner is forcing you into something you do not want to do, even after telling them you don't want to do it, this is a huge red flag. It does not matter if it's a little thing or a big, life changing thing. If your partner repeatedly tries to force you into doing things, and then threatens you if you don't do the thing, that's incredibly unhealthy and can easily become a repetitive behavior. Be vocal about what you do and do not want.
  6. Their advice seems dismissive of your goals and aspirations. This can be difficult to spot, but can easily become toxic. If you tell them about a dream or goal of yours, and they say something like "Are you sure you don't want to do [insert thing here] instead?" or "I don't see that happening", this could be a signal of an unhealthy relationship. Really pay attention the next time you tell them about a goal or dream of yours and make sure they are really looking out for you and not trying to dismiss what you're passionate about.
  7. They are constantly angry. If you notice that your partner is easily angered and flips out often, without warning, this could get dangerous really quickly. Pay attention to what they say when they are angry, even if they aren't actually angry at you. See if their anger is directed at you, even when an outside factor is the thing actually making them angry.


Alright, now that we've gotten the unhealthy stuff out, let's talk about the signs of a good, healthy, happy relationship.

  1. You are able to spend time together, and apart. Hanging out with your partner is a lot of fun, but you are your own person and must be able to spend time away from your partner without feeling like the relationship is going to collapse. If you can spend time apart and then hang out like nothing has changed, this is a sign of a good relationship.
  2. You inspire each other. They make you want to be a better version of yourself. You rejoice in each others' accomplishments without becoming envious of them, and encourage each other to do the very best. You see them do a thing, and you're like, "Man, good for them." You celebrate with each other instead of being bitter.
  3. You openly discuss everything, and you trust each other. A strong sense of trust should be built into the very core of a relationship. When your partner goes out with their friends or something, you should feel comforted and know that they will be faithful to you. If you feel that you cannot trust your partner, or have trouble discussing important things openly, that might be a sign of an issue. If you're worried about trust, discuss that with them openly.
  4. You find comfort in your similarities, and respect each others' differences. Your partner is not the same person you are. There will be differences, and it's important to recognize and respect those differences. If you feel that this is a component in your relationship, good. This is very healthy in a relationship. If your differences are too big or you feel that they (or you) don't recognize or respect those differences, talk about that.
  5. You feel safe with them, and feel safe discussing big things. Talking to them about big things, like kids or financial issues, doesn't scare you. You feel that you two will be able to handle the matter without any big blowups or arguments. Sure, arguments could, and probably will, happen at some point. But you trust that you two will be able to get through it by working together.
  6. Decisions are made together. This doesn't mean that every single decision y'all make is made by both of you. It just means there isn't one person calling all the shots. Decisions are split equally, more or less, between you guys.
  7. Annoying stuff is easily let go. Of course you and your partner will annoy each other from time to time. But it's important that you guys aren't lingering on these annoyances. If they do something ever so slightly obnoxious and you're mad about it for the next three days, it might be time to analyze your relationship a little bit.
So there's my two cents on this relationship stuff. I know this isn't everything, but I just wanted to give you guys a few signs on what is and is not good in a relationship. I've learned about healthy and unhealthy relationships a lot in my 19 years, and I'm so thankful for where I am today and that I'm not where I used to be. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a guy I love with my whole heart, and who respects me, who I am, and what I want to do with my life. Also, speaking of said guy, I know you're probably reading this and just wanted to tell you I love and miss the absolute crap out of you. 

Love, 

Hannah

Song of the Day: Hold Me By The Heart by Kehlani. Dedicated to Cullen. I love you, kiddo.



Comments

  1. Hey babe I miss you to but don't worry we will be back together soon. in a month and it will fly by also check out this song.

    Hannah by Ray LaMontagne

    ReplyDelete

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