Toxic People: How to Spot Them and Get Out Of That Situation Right Freaking Now
HELLO everyone. It has been exactly a month since my last post because, shocker, college is taking over my life. Actually, no. College HAS taken over my life. But I have a lot of thoughts and posts I want to write about things I've been experiencing since college started and that I feel are important for other college students/people in general to hear. So I'm going to cross something off that list right now. Today, we're talking about being around toxic people and how to get yourself out of that mess right now because it's really, REALLY bad.
So. Let's talk toxic people.
They are mean. They are manipulative. They absolutely suck the life and self confidence out of you. It's very, very difficult to get out of that situation. And it can hurt you, more than you would think. Hanging out with a group of people who are dragging you down is detrimental to your self confidence and ability to see the good things within yourself. I have been there. It. Sucks.
Most of the time, toxic people are not direct with their meanness and manipulativeness (that's not a word but you get what I mean). It's indirect. What they say may seem like a compliment, but is really an attack against you displayed in a way that is meant to trick you into thinking it's NOT an attack against you. Sometimes, it's difficult to spot these people. And sometimes it's not. But there are ways in which you can detect if a person is toxic to you or not. Which I will tell you. Right now.
How to Spot A Toxic Person
1) Indirect attacks
Like I mentioned earlier, toxic people will find a way to make their degrading comments to you seem like compliments or something of the sort. If something someone says appears as a compliment, but as you think about it, you realize it wasn't actually nice, that's an indirect attack. Now, do not get these confused with actual bullying. If people are excluding you from activities, gossiping about you, etc., this is not an indirect attack. This is bullying. Go talk to someone asap if that is happening to you.
2) They'll manipulate.
Toxic people absolutely try to manipulate you. They will take something from you or degrade you for doing something you love, then trick you into believing they were doing it for your benefit. They will make it seem like you owe them something, constantly. But let me make something very, very clear. You do not owe anyone anything. If this is starting to feel like a normal thing in one or more of your relationships, something is wrong.
3) They will go to you in a crisis, but will never celebrate your happiness with you
A toxic person will always go to you when they are experiencing a crisis, and of course that's normal in friendships. However, when you text them that you nailed your job interview or did well on a test, they won't respond, or they'll find something negative to say about it. But they'll go right back to you when something is wrong with them.
4) Exaggeration
Exaggeration is a very common, very toxic form of manipulation. Using words like "always" or "never" make it hard to defend yourself. Even if you only did a thing once, they'll use that as a source for their manipulation. Do not bring yourself into this argument.
5) THEY ARE JUDGMENTAL
Last but not least, toxic people are judgmental. Very judgmental. A toxic person will not just comment on something you did one time. They will go as far as judging your entire self for that one thing you did. They'll use it to reduce your self esteem, not to lead you onto a better path. If this is a regular thing in you relationships, get out.
Now that you know some of the signs of a toxic person, let's get into how to get out of a toxic relationship.
Just Be Straightforward With Them
I am speaking from experience when I say that confrontation is the absolute last thing I want to be involved in. It's very scary and you don't really know what the result will be. But with this, it's necessary, for several reasons. Your mental health and self esteem are at risk when you surround yourself with toxic people. It's dangerous, and getting yourself out of that might require you to do something you do not normally do. Be honest and straightforward with them. Tell them exactly what they are doing that is hurting you. Maybe they will be taken completely by surprise and apologize for what they've done. Or, they will automatically defend themselves and begin blaming you again. You will most likely encounter person #2, and that's fine. Say "I'm sorry, but this relationship is not healthy for me," and leave it at that. No more explanation. You'll thank yourself later.
Love, Hannah
PSA: I am now going to be blogging every Tuesday and Thursday at 4 pm. It fits my schedule and will allow me to post in depth and lengthy posts that will hopefully be of use to you guys! So be on the lookout for a post from me every Tuesday and Thursday at 4.
So. Let's talk toxic people.
They are mean. They are manipulative. They absolutely suck the life and self confidence out of you. It's very, very difficult to get out of that situation. And it can hurt you, more than you would think. Hanging out with a group of people who are dragging you down is detrimental to your self confidence and ability to see the good things within yourself. I have been there. It. Sucks.
Most of the time, toxic people are not direct with their meanness and manipulativeness (that's not a word but you get what I mean). It's indirect. What they say may seem like a compliment, but is really an attack against you displayed in a way that is meant to trick you into thinking it's NOT an attack against you. Sometimes, it's difficult to spot these people. And sometimes it's not. But there are ways in which you can detect if a person is toxic to you or not. Which I will tell you. Right now.
How to Spot A Toxic Person
1) Indirect attacks
Like I mentioned earlier, toxic people will find a way to make their degrading comments to you seem like compliments or something of the sort. If something someone says appears as a compliment, but as you think about it, you realize it wasn't actually nice, that's an indirect attack. Now, do not get these confused with actual bullying. If people are excluding you from activities, gossiping about you, etc., this is not an indirect attack. This is bullying. Go talk to someone asap if that is happening to you.
2) They'll manipulate.
Toxic people absolutely try to manipulate you. They will take something from you or degrade you for doing something you love, then trick you into believing they were doing it for your benefit. They will make it seem like you owe them something, constantly. But let me make something very, very clear. You do not owe anyone anything. If this is starting to feel like a normal thing in one or more of your relationships, something is wrong.
3) They will go to you in a crisis, but will never celebrate your happiness with you
A toxic person will always go to you when they are experiencing a crisis, and of course that's normal in friendships. However, when you text them that you nailed your job interview or did well on a test, they won't respond, or they'll find something negative to say about it. But they'll go right back to you when something is wrong with them.
4) Exaggeration
Exaggeration is a very common, very toxic form of manipulation. Using words like "always" or "never" make it hard to defend yourself. Even if you only did a thing once, they'll use that as a source for their manipulation. Do not bring yourself into this argument.
5) THEY ARE JUDGMENTAL
Last but not least, toxic people are judgmental. Very judgmental. A toxic person will not just comment on something you did one time. They will go as far as judging your entire self for that one thing you did. They'll use it to reduce your self esteem, not to lead you onto a better path. If this is a regular thing in you relationships, get out.
Now that you know some of the signs of a toxic person, let's get into how to get out of a toxic relationship.
Just Be Straightforward With Them
I am speaking from experience when I say that confrontation is the absolute last thing I want to be involved in. It's very scary and you don't really know what the result will be. But with this, it's necessary, for several reasons. Your mental health and self esteem are at risk when you surround yourself with toxic people. It's dangerous, and getting yourself out of that might require you to do something you do not normally do. Be honest and straightforward with them. Tell them exactly what they are doing that is hurting you. Maybe they will be taken completely by surprise and apologize for what they've done. Or, they will automatically defend themselves and begin blaming you again. You will most likely encounter person #2, and that's fine. Say "I'm sorry, but this relationship is not healthy for me," and leave it at that. No more explanation. You'll thank yourself later.
Love, Hannah
PSA: I am now going to be blogging every Tuesday and Thursday at 4 pm. It fits my schedule and will allow me to post in depth and lengthy posts that will hopefully be of use to you guys! So be on the lookout for a post from me every Tuesday and Thursday at 4.
Wow yet another well written blog. Great going.
ReplyDelete-Rangasri
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